


a study of rollover reaction

by isadorator



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Neon Genesis Evangelion: Gakuen Datenroku | Campus Apocalypse
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Maid Cafe, Clones, Crossdressing, Depression, Elsewhere Fic, Fluff and Crack, Government Conspiracy, Hive Mind, Identity Issues, Kawotrio, M/M, Multi, Telepathy, Trust Issues, You Have Been Warned, look this fic is the weirdest hot pot of ideas i have ever written
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isadorator/pseuds/isadorator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The would-be pilots/shemhazai are maids. Except one, who is a maid patron. Don't worry, Misato's working on that.</p><p>(or: the author sincerely regrets liking the idea of writing a romcom that stars three characters with the same name)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shinji

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this story from [the (pretty much defunct) kink meme](http://cruelangelskink.dreamwidth.org/708.html?thread=7620#cmt7620) 2 years ago and I'm... still not done........ But today is 5/5!! In the year of the Eva!!! _It is physically impossible for me to not post something._ So, I'm just putting up the chapters I've completed. Also, they're second-year high school students in this story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shinji works at a maid cafe for financial reasons, Kaworu is his weird patron/classmate/maybe-kinda-crush, and wait why is there suddenly three of him???

1.

"Here is your tea, Master."

Nagisa jolts slightly, blinking at the sudden appearance of a teacup in front of him. Shinji tries not to blush when Nagisa's attention shifts to him. As always in the face of Nagisa's dazzling smile, he fails.

"Thank you, Shin-chan," Nagisa replies, warm and polite as ever. Shinji tries not to fiddle with his uniform. At the maid cafe, every server is only allowed to use their first name in order to protect their identities. Nagisa follows the policy despite knowing him from school, delighting in using the cutesy nickname Shinji needs at the cafe, but returns to calling him 'Ikari Shinji-kun' everywhere else. 

It leaves him feeling anxious, frustrated at the lack of progress, and many other things Shinji has begun tentatively linking to Nagisa's presence. Again, he shies away from that train of thought.

"Y-you're welcome, Master," he says instead, bowing stiffly before returning to work. He doesn't notice the way Nagisa stares after him.

Later, Shinji returns to a full cup, an empty table, and enough money to pay for a full repair of the roof.

  


2.

After Shinji tucks away his maid outfit, hangs up his wig, washes off the makeup, and bids goodbye to his boss and co-workers, he finds Nagisa waiting for him behind the shop.

It's dark enough that the lights in the alleyway have flickered on and one shines down on Nagisa like a spotlight on a stage. His costume is their school's summer uniform, despite the late hour. Shinji's eyes trail along the exposed skin of his pale arms and neck, wondering if Nagisa worries about mosquito bites and acne and other red marks marring his seemingly flawless skin. How would the colours of a bruise look, blooming on his shoulder, the underside of his jaw—

Amused red eyes meet his and Shinji quickly looks down at his feet, his cheeks hot with shame.

"Y-you didn't have to do that," he chokes out. "It's—I know you're rich, Nagisa-kun, but this sort of thing is..." Shinji stiffens when he feels a hand grasp his shoulder, another under his chin to tip his face up. He tries not to flinch under Nagisa's steady gaze.

"I wanted to help you. We're friends, aren't we?" Nagisa says, another smile curving his lips, and Shinji can't decide if he loves or hates the word _friend_ , can't decide if he wants to lean forward into that warmth or back into familiar cold, so he gulps and stays still.

"Yes, but..."

Kaworu sighs and steps back, his hands leaving Shinji's space, and Shinji wishes he was brave enough to catch them.

"It's not as if the money will be missed, but if it troubles you that much, you can return it. Or..." He gives Shinji a considering look. "You can earn it with your body."

"...Huh?" Shinji squeaks. He must have heard wrong.

  


3.

He doesn't hear wrong.

"Nagisa-kun, saying something like that... it'll give people the wrong impression!" Shinji mutters indignantly as he tries to reach the highest shelf of the bookcase with his duster. The step ladder he's on wobbles dangerously until Nagisa practically teleports out of thin air to steady him. The hands on his hips are warm through his apron and street clothes. They're warm and distracting and Shinji wishes his thoughts would stop reeling whenever Nagisa touches him.

"It was a joke, but I suppose I'm still not very practised with them yet," Nagisa says. His hands squeeze Shinji's hips gently. "Are you getting tired?"

Shinji has been to school and gone to work and is now here, in Nagisa's apartment, after agreeing to help clean it from top to bottom, and he can't help thinking of resting in a bed, of lying next to Nagisa—

"I should go home," he says, but it's not a home, there's no one there waiting for him. No one but the fading memory of his parents, nothing but mounting debts and crumbling walls. The hands at his side leave him, and he turns, startled. Nagisa simply stands below him, looking at Shinji like he is something of infinite value, like he is someone that (inexplicably, exhilaratingly) matters to someone else.

Why would someone as amazing and wonderful as Nagisa Kaworu be friends with him?

"Are you lonely, Ikari Shinji-kun?"

_Yes._

Shinji hesitates for a moment, then lets himself reach out to Nagisa. Their hands tangle together as Nagisa helps him down the step ladder and it's not something Shinji used to do. He's never wanted to touch someone so casually, never allowed such a want to grow into one as mundane and desperate as the need for air.

"I don't feel lonely right now," he finds himself saying, staring at their interlocked fingers.

  


4.

Shinji asks Nagisa if he can stay the night. Shinji's house is cold and silent and Kaworu's eyes are so very, very kind when he agrees.

In the apartment, there is one bed, one sofa, and several square feet of carpeted floor; they both end up sharing the bed.

Shinji is comfortable wearing Nagisa's spare pyjamas, lying in Nagisa's bed, until he looks over at Nagisa, who's looking at him. His cheeks pink and the comfortable feeling twists into the now-familiar mix of self-awareness and... and...

He screws his eyes shut and turns away, too embarrassed to even say it in his mind. He hears Nagisa's low chuckle behind him. Shinji can imagine the soft smile, the way his white hair spreads over his pillow, his hands tucked behind his head.

"After I tune the piano tomorrow, would you like to play together for a while?" Nagisa asks suddenly. Shinji's heart squeezes tight at the thought of playing music—with Nagisa— _together_ — "Are you asleep? Shinji-kun?"

His heart stops. He turns around slowly, as if in a trance, to face his only friend's worried expression. His mouth is dry when he finally scrapes together enough will to speak.

"Can you... call me that again?"

Nagisa looks nonplussed for a moment. "Call you what?"

Shinji licks his lips before saying hoarsely, "My name."

Nagisa blinks, blinks again, and then, miraculously, reddens. Shinji has never seen him blush before, never seen his smile as bashful as it is now.

"Shinji-kun," he says, so sweetly. He takes Shinji's hands in his, presses them against his chest. "I'll call you that, if you call me Kaworu."

The heart under his hands is beating quickly, fluttering like a bird's. Nagisa Kaworu is like nobody else Shinji has ever met. There is only one answer to give.

"Let's play together tomorrow, Kaworu-kun."

  


5.

Shinji wakes up curled around Kaworu, with Kaworu hovering over him, and with Kaworu standing by the edge of the bed.

Wait.

"You're much prettier in Third's memories," the Kaworu above him states. Shinji moves his head once, twice, three times to confirm that there are as many Kaworus around him. "Hey! Can you hear me or what?"

This is a dream. Yes. Definitely.

So it's okay for Shinji to hold this Kaworu's face in his hands, to bring it close enough for their foreheads to touch.

"Uh," says Kaworu. His eyes are wide open, his hair a tangled mess. Shinji smooths it down with his fingers like he's always wanted. It's softer and longer than he expected it to be.

"You need a haircut," Shinji mutters, nudging his nose against Kaworu's. It's really very nice, to be this close to Kaworu, to see his blushing face up close. The Kaworu beside the bed coughs in a way that sounds suspiciously like stifled laughter.

"He's right, you know," he says. "I can give you one while we're here."

"Um," the Kaworu in front of Shinji replies. Shinji is still sleepily petting him, trying to calm him down, but he only gets more and more flustered as time passes.

"You're being unusually cute today," Shinji sighs and moves forward for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, notes.... the story title I grabbed from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, because the file name is literally just "maids and things" and that's what it will always be in my head. I wanted to try different things with this like writing in a scanlation style (I honestly thought it would be cool *SIGH*), the Kaworu clones having a hive mind because WHY NOT SCIENCE, and making it a sort-of fusion with a shoujo manga called _Kaichou wa Maid-sama!_ (which, as much as I love, I cannot recommend to anyone in good faith as it is really, _really_ problematic) because one of the main character looks so much like Kaworu it's disturbing and also pretty hilarious.
> 
> Shinji has always been easy for me to write and I tried to go for a rebuild version here, but I think a lot of his anime and campus apocalypse personality snuck in. I regret not taking the time to have him interact with the other girls or fix the pacing. I would go back and re-write it, but I'm honestly afraid of not being able to finish this story if I start doing that now. Also, I'm lazy.


	2. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Animeworu is the sassiest Kaworu of all, talks the other Kaworus into stalking the intriguing Ikari Shinji, and has an encounter with a bitter rival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, a homophobic slur from Asuka in this chapter, because.... I love Asuka. but she's also. Asuka.

6.

Kaworu finally takes pity. He gently tugs on Second's collar before the kiss lands, pulling him away from the embrace of the one called Ikari Shinji. Second falls off the bed in a straight drop, frozen in a crouching position like a flipped tortoise.

"Ah," says Second. Slowly, he drops his limbs, staring blankly at the ceiling. He's still a child in many ways.

Third has somehow slept through all of this and Ikari is halfway there, looking at his now empty hands with fuzzy incomprehension. Kaworu seizes the opportunity to step over Second's prone form and carefully sit beside Ikari.

"It's very... _bold_ of you, to make such advances on my little brother while I'm present," Kaworu begins. His intended lecture gets side-tracked when Ikari finally notices him and graces Kaworu with another smile. It's a lovely, shy thing that transforms his entire demeanour. Does he even realize how often he smiles when he believes Third is with him?

"I'm not little," Second mumbles petulantly from the floor and Kaworu focuses enough to concede the point. Second is merely inexperienced, compared to himself and Third, though all of them are still novices in the art of human interaction.

"You're right," Kaworu says out loud to Second, "but you are younger than me, and thus under my protection for as long as you require it." He glances back at Ikari and feels a curious urge to stroke his cheek. So Kaworu does. Ikari does not rear back in alarm or disgust, as so many did. He leans into Kaworu's hand, closing his eyes, a happy sigh parting his lips. "And when facing the one who helped Third forget the loneliness in his heart? You will need all the help you can get."

When Ikari suddenly moves towards him, pulls him close, breathes 'Kaworu-kun' against the corner of his mouth, Kaworu belatedly realizes that Second may not be the only one who needs help.

  


7.

Third comes to Kaworu's rescue, narrowly saving his first kiss by shoving him violently off the bed. Kaworu lands on top of Second and together they quickly transform into a clumsy tangle of limbs and blankets.

"And what _exactly_ do you think you're doing with Shinji-kun?" Third demands over their yelps and grunts. When they finally manage to separate themselves, they see Third has tucked Ikari into his side, holding him protectively. Second sits beside Kaworu on the floor, rubbing the cheek Kaworu accidentally hit during the excitement. Kaworu himself lets out a shaky breath and runs a hand through his hair.

"I think the better question is, what exactly does your Shinji-kun plan to do with _us_?" he retorts. Kaworu looks pointedly at Ikari, who has taken advantage of the situation to press even closer to Third, burying his face in Third's neck. Judging by the faintly wet sounds and Third's darkening blush, Ikari isn't simply _resting_ there.

"Is he trying to eat you?" Second asks. He stares intensely at the scene, attempting to understand it, dissect it like every unknown Lilim custom he comes across. Kaworu can feel Second mentally tapping into the web and plugging questions into a search engine. Deciding not to interfere unless Second is about to stumble across sites regarding vore or cannibalism, Kaworu lies back and enjoys the show.

"No!" Third gasps, shaking slightly under Ikari's attentions. "That's— _ah_!" Kaworu raises an eyebrow, amused, and Third stubbornly tries again. "That's... that's really..."

"Really...?" Second prompts. Third closes his eyes and grabs a hold of Ikari's shirt.

"Re— _reallyshinjikunyoumuststopplease_ —nnngh, please wake **UP**!"

It's the shove that actually wakes Ikari and now he's standing, staring at them all with a horrified blush on his cheeks, as if his dreams and nightmares have come true all at once.

"Um," says Third. It must be a trait of the Nagisa family to be so eloquent, Kaworu thinks loudly. Both Second and Third shoot him annoyed looks. "It seems my brothers have arrived earlier than expected?"

Ikari continues staring at them, fingers twitching at his sides, until his eyes dart to Third trying to unobtrusively rub his neck.

"Oh _god_ ," Ikari blurts out, fear and shame and even grief dripping from every syllable. He bolts.

  


8.

Third is inconsolable when he comes back from his search with no Ikari. With his texts and calls being ignored, he spends the rest of the morning in a foul mood. Kaworu and Second bear the brunt of that mood by being forcibly pressed into cleaning Third's apartment, alongside Third himself.

The last time Kaworu saw an apartment this clean was when he first moved into the one he occupies in Germany.

"We can clean and tune the piano after lunch," Third says, wiping steaks of dirt and sweat from his forehead. Kaworu ignores the sour look sent his way, an idea taking shape in his mind.

"Yes," Kaworu agrees, unable to stop a smile from forming on his face. "However, I would like to eat out today. I'm in the mood for... coffee."

" _Coffee?_ " Second repeats incredulously. None of them care very much for the drink.

"No," says Third.

"Specifically, Ikari-kun's coffee," Kaworu continues smoothly. "But I hear the tea at Maid Latte is quite good as well."

" _No_ ," says Third. Second immediately drops the rag he was cleaning windows with and bounces over.

"We're going to visit Ikari-kun while he's working?" he asks excitedly. Kaworu could almost see the metaphorical puppy dog tail wagging eagerly behind Second. He narrows his eyes. Perhaps a bit _too_ eager.

" _No one_ is visiting Shinji-kun!" Third interrupts but both Kaworu and Second ignore him.

"Why do you want to see Ikari-kun so badly? You were merely curious about him before," Kaworu says. Second visibly pauses, thinking over the question, before his entire face turns beet red. Interesting.

"W-well, I mean, um, he's, uh," Second stutters. Third eyes him warily, an unhappy tilt to his mouth. "H-hey, wait, why are you asking me this, what about _you_?"

Kaworu blinks. "Me?"

"Suddenly saying you want to drink his coffee... it's strange! Why do _you_ want to see Ikari-kun?" Second demands.

"I..." Kaworu's first impulse is to say it was a plan for Third to make up with Ikari, to make sure Ikari had recovered, but that wasn't quite right. He hadn't been thinking of Third at all when the idea came to him. Like Kaworu hadn't been thinking of Third when he wanted to touch Ikari's face. Like Kaworu still isn't thinking of Third, when he remembers Ikari's openness, his easy acceptance. The uneasiness Kaworu felt, when Ikari left in such distress. "I see," Kaworu murmurs. He rubs his cheek, half interested in the novel sensation of prickling heat, half hoping to cover his blush. "That boy is more dangerous than I thought."

Something he should have realized when Third had become so infatuated within a few months of meeting Ikari. Not just dangerous to naive Second, but to himself as well, because the fruits of Project Tabris were more alike than they were different.

"You two...! Shinji-kun is _not_ dangerous," Third says, with a distinctly irritated air to his words. It startles Kaworu out of his thoughts. "And we are not going to impose ourselves on him at his workplace, when he's this upset!"

Kaworu looks at the fuming Third for a moment, and grins.

  


9.

Third is not someone who is bothered easily. So, Kaworu counts it as a victory, when he (and more recently Second) can act like a real brother and get him exasperated to the point of dropping his head in his hands, in the vain hope of ignoring the insanity around him.

"I can not believe you two dragged me here," Third moans into his palms.

Today, that point is the entrance of Maid Latte.

"Welcome, Masters—eeeeeeeeh, it's _you_?!" shouts a very familiar maid. She punctuates her words with an accusing finger in Kaworu's face. Well.

"You didn't tell me _that_ person was working here," Kaworu says evenly, a polite smile masking his sudden annoyance.

"Maybe if I did, we wouldn't have come," Third groans. Second sends worried glances their way in-between trying to take in every detail of the cafe at once. Has Second been in one before? Kaworu can't recall in the face of this unexpected and unwanted reunion with his... rival? Maybe back at the Free University of Berlin, but that word was too respectful for what he was feeling at the moment.

"You've got guts ignoring me, homo-boy," Soryu sneers and, no, rival was not the correct term _at all_. "Are you here to slobber all over that stupid Shinji as well?"

"I don't slobber!" Third protests, finally looking up, but Soryu gleefully interrupts him.

"And since when the hell have there been three of you, this is getting ridiculous! Don't tell me he has the same name as well! What the fuck is wrong with your parents?"

"Since March," Second supplies helpfully. It's July now. "I like my name, so I'm keeping it. And the old men—" Kaworu moves to cover Second's mouth.

"It is something we ask ourselves every day," he answers, gentlemanly smile firmly in place. "I would ask the same of your parents, but the answer is standing in front of me, is it not?"

Soryu bristles. "You—!"

"ASUKA-CHAN." Ms. Katsuragi joins them at the entrance, her hand landing heavily on Soryu's shoulder. The vein protruding on her forehead can't be healthy. "This is _not_ an appropriate way to greet our masters, right? You're going to apologize, right?"

"But—!" Soryu begins, before Ms. Katsuragi's grip tightens enough for her to wince.

"Riiiiight~?"

Soryu scowls ferociously and pries the hand off her shoulder with great effort. She then rips off her apron and headband and throws them to the floor, grinding them under her heel.

"I've had enough of this jerkoff fantasy bullshit!" Soryu stomps towards the exit and all three Kaworus hastily part before her fury. " _Auf Wiedersehen_ , losers!" she yells to the cafe, slamming the door behind her.

"Oh for—Rei, hold the fort until I get back!" Ms. Katsuragi hollers, flying after Soryu.

"Affirmative," comes the quiet reply. Kaworu turns from the drama to face the person who has snuck up on them. When they see the poker-faced maid, his first thought resonates with Second's: _She's like me_.

Natural blue hair, pale skin, calm red eyes—the surface resemblance is nothing compared to the mind he can actually _sense_ , curiously examining theirs at a distance. Second is gaping in confusion and shock, while Kaworu just barely manages to keep his reaction to an aggravated twitch of his eyebrow. Third is tugging on his collar, trying not to look too nervous, but they all know he has a lot of explaining to do.

"This way, Masters. Shin-chan will be with you in a moment."

... _After_ lunch.

  


10.

Ikari looks cute in the cafe's uniform, his shoulder-length wig matching his usual shade of brown. There is a light application of make-up on his face, just enough to enhance his features and bring out the blue of his eyes. But the effect is spoiled by how tightly Ikari holds his menus, frozen in terror at the sight of them.

It hurts Kaworu to see another being in so much pain and he doesn't need to communicate with the others to know they feel the same. Third steps forward, anxiety radiating from his thin shoulders.

"Ika—" he starts, but cuts himself off when a stricken look passes Ikari's face. "Ah, Shin-chan—"

Ikari ducks his head, his wig's bangs hiding his eyes, but not the trembling of his mouth. "M-Masters, please sit at the table, I will take your orders in a moment."

Third opens his mouth to protest, but thinks better of it. He sighs and nods, leading the rest of them to their seats. Ikari quickly passes out the menus and just as quickly leaves, hurrying to check on the other customers.

Kaworu ignores the menu to watch him work, observing how Ikari can't quite hide the turmoil of his emotions, but stubbornly forges on, keeping his attitude as professional as possible. It's fascinating to witness, but Kaworu manages to tear enough of his attention away to realize that Second and Third are staring as well.

He says nothing, letting a rare smirk play on his lips as he finally peruses his menu. Third would get angry if he said it again, but Ikari Shinji, with his endlessly repairing heart of glass, is truly the most dangerous person any of them had met.

Kaworu couldn't wait to learn more about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you have listened to the [After the End drama CD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvLfQSoVhrM&feature=youtu.be)!! Because it is pretty hilarious in general, explains the rivalry in this chapter (and the slur from anime!Asuka), and has the sassiest Kaworu I have ever heard, it's great. Oh man, I'm laughing thinking about it.
> 
> Anyway, I had a big problem while writing this story: how do you write something with three characters with the same name?? Fancomics and doujins featuring the kawotrio have the luxury of differentiating using character designs, colours, labels, or straight up calling each Kaworu by their canon. Tetsu-Sabi's doujinshi _Kimi no Shiranai Boku no Koto_ referred to them as First, Second, and Third, by order of their release (as a kind of callback to Rei, I guess?) which I liked, so I borrowed from that.
> 
> The interactions and differences between the kawotrio is inspired mostly by [りつ's](http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=5591300) amazing pixiv works ([this one's my fave](http://wheres-the-phone.tumblr.com/post/54009380153/part-1-2-3-by-pixiv-id-33852494-this)). Aaaand lastly, the telepathy-without-formatting comes from Tamora Pierce's Immortals quartet, which I first read as a kid. The idea of mental communication being so natural, it is indistinguishable from the rest of the narrative POV, has stuck with me ever since and I decided to try it here! :)


	3. Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mangaworu is the baby of the family and somehow the smoothest??? Except not really, _not at all_. Also, afternoon tea with Rei.

11.

"One cream soda!" Kaworu spots Third's disapproving frown and barely remembers to add "Please and thank you, Ikari-kun!"

Third slaps a hand to his forehead and First doesn't bother hiding his chuckle.

"I'm supposed to be called 'Shin-chan' at work," Ikari says quietly. He looks in every direction but theirs, his body drained of all but the sense of melancholy. Kaworu doesn't like it, compared to the lively Ikari he saw this morning.

"So... could I call you Shinji-kun outside of work, then? You can call me Kaworu! If you want to, I mean," says Kaworu, smiling happily. Maybe if Kaworu became friends with him, Ikari would cheer up? "This is how you become friends in Japan, right? By calling each other by your first name?" It would be nice to have a friend outside of his family.

Ikari leans back slightly, looking a little overwhelmed. At least it's better than his gloomy expression from before.

"It's—more of an effect of friendship than a cause...," he mumbles, ears pink as he sneaks quick peeks at Third. "Are you... sure? After... this m-morning..." He doesn't continue, preferring to examine his shoes instead.

"Yes?" is Kaworu's bewildered reply. "What you did wasn't _bad_ or anything like that." He remembers the feeling of calloused fingers running through his hair (Ikari's face so close to his) and ducks his head, suddenly swamped by self-consciousness. For _that_ kind of thing to feel good, is it strange?

"It is!" Ikari suddenly bursts out, panicking Kaworu before he remembers normal Lilim couldn't hear thoughts. "It's terrible! I took advantage of all of you! I can't... just..." He bites his lip, wrapping his hands around his elbows, arms tight to his chest. Holding himself? "Doing something like that... you must hate me now."

"No!" Third gets up from his seat a little too fast, his chair scraping noisily behind him as he practically lunges for Ikari's hand. "Shinji-kun, I could never hate you. How could you believe that?"

Ikari stares at the hand Third is holding up, before his eyes flick to the bruise that's appeared on Third's neck. He swallows audibly and looks away.

"I don't want... I can't stand the thought of being hated by anyone. Even if I deserve it," Ikari confesses and it's upsetting to see how he shrinks further into himself. "I _deserve_ it. How can you say you don't—?"

"I _don't_ ," Third repeats, using his free hand to turn Ikari's face towards him. There's a desperation in his actions that Kaworu has never seen from him before. "Shinji-kun, listen to me. You are a person worthy of love, and of forgiveness."

Ikari visibly reels from Third's words, almost dropping the notepad he's holding. "Kaworu-kun—"

"I can't speak for my brothers." True, in a way, Kaworu muses. "However, there is nothing you've done with me that requires forgiveness," Third continues. He leans in further, his face mere inches from Ikari's, and Kaworu is uncomfortably aware of how their stance mirrors The Incident from this morning. "You stopped when I asked and I... I didn't dislike it." Third's blush is also something that has reappeared. Ikari looks up at Third with wide eyes, frozen, somehow even more red than Third. "If it's you... No, for me, it can only be you. Shinji-kun, I—"

"You two are making a scene," First says mildly. Kaworu sends him curses for interrupting as Ikari jolts, pulling himself away from Third. It's true that some of the other customers are looking. But, Kaworu protests silently to First, that's less important than observing Third and Ikari-kun's interactions. They are (were?) friends, so that conversation is valuable data for my goal of becoming Ikari-kun's friend.

Your education is still lacking, if you believe that the bonds between people can be reduced to data, First thinks, as Third reluctantly sits back down. What you need to do most right now is practice your empathy and realize that, unlike yourself, many Lilim prefer guarding their true feelings from the public.

As Kaworu digests that thought, First claps his hands together.

"As interesting as that was, I'm becoming very hungry. Are you ready take my order now, Shin-chan?"

"Y-yes, yes. Yes!" Ikari fumbles with his notepad again. "W-w-what would you like, M-master?"

  


12.

Ikari is still flustered when he returns with their food.

"O-one garden salad for K-K-Kaworu-kun." Ikari puts the bowl in front of Third, deliberately avoiding eye contact. Kaworu wonders if either of them are ever going to stop blushing. "One vegan moe moe omurice f-for, um, M-Master?"

"You can call me Kaworu too, if you like," says First, resting his chin on one hand. Kaworu puffs his cheeks in annoyance.

"Hey, I asked him first, uh, First!"

"No, I did," Third cuts in, pointedly stabbing a cherry tomato with his fork. "So please refrain from making this confusing."

The sudden tension in the air is broken by Ikari almost slamming a glass in front of Kaworu.

"Ah, one cream soda with orange sorbet!" he says quickly, voice cracking on the last word. He coughs, the red on his face spreading past his collar. "S-so, you all have the same name, huh?"

"No one accused our guardians of imagination," says First drily, as Kaworu curiously examines the scoop of sorbet floating in his drink. "You're going to get sick if that's all you have for lunch."

"Dessert is the best and I want to eat it first, so there," Kaworu replies, popping a spoonful in his mouth. The burst of sweetness on his tongue makes him moan in happiness and Ikari almost drops his empty tray.

"R-r-r-right, um, so what, uh," Ikari pauses when Kaworu lets out another pleased sound and rapidly shakes his head. "W-what should I call you all, then?"

"Whatever you like, Shinji-kun," says Third. "Please don't feel pressured by these two, choose something that you're comfortable with saying." And stop bothering Shinji-kun, Third sends to Kaworu and First.

"I agree," First says amiably. Kaworu nods between two enthusiastic sips. Ikari shuffles from one foot to the other, but manages to look Third in the eye.

"W-well, I'd like to keep calling Kaworu-kun, um, b-by his name." Third smiles happily at the decision, Ikari smiles hesitantly back, and Kaworu fights the urge to sulk. Ikari then turns to First. "Am I correct in assuming that you're the eldest?"

"You could tell?" asks First, looking pleasantly surprised.

"Y-you have something of an older brother air to you. Um." Ikari tilts his head, uncertain. "Is Kaworu-senpai alright?"

"It's fine." First's lips curve a little more. "Of course, you are welcome to drop the honorifics."

"N-n-no, th-that's okay!" Ikari waves his free hand, tray clutched defensively to his chest. Kaworu immediately accesses his connection to the internet and enters 'significance of lack of honorifics in japanese' into a search engine.

Skimming through the results, Kaworu recalls being taught the concept of yobisute by his tutors. But, since he lives in Saudi Arabia, they focus his language lessons more on Arabic, German, English, and French. Kaworu's skill with Japanese is mostly borrowed from Third himself, to bolster his limited vocabulary and grammar, even if the nuances were lost.

"So!" Ikari says, interrupting his train of thought. Kaworu looks up to see Ikari looking at him, eyes only on him, and feels a wave of... shyness? He fidgets in his chair, uncomfortable with the heat flooding his face. Ikari's strained smile softens and the heat gets worse. "I feel like Kaworu-kouhai would suit you, but it's awkward to say... may I call you Nagisa-kun, instead?"

"What? No!" All shyness evaporates in the face of this injustice. "It's not fair that these two get to be called by their first name and I don't!" Kaworu wants to be Ikari's friend too!

Ikari looks taken aback. "Then, um, is Kaworu-san alright?"

Third steps on his toes firmly and persistently, so Kaworu takes that as a sign to agree. Ikari smiles, satisfied.

"It's alright to call me Shinji," he says softly and Kaworu feels the warmth of Shinji's regard in his words.

  


13.

Of course, First continues teasing Shinji throughout their meal. He asks Shinji to write his current feelings in ketchup (Shinji sputters and hesitates before finally leaving the word 'light' on the omelette, strangely enough). Then, he orders a latte and asks Shinji what he feels towards their family (Shinji blushes and fumbles with the chocolate syrup as he haltingly writes 'fond'). Third kicks First under the table before he asks Shinji to help feed him his strawberry sorbet.

"I think it's about time we head back," Third says to Shinji, glancing at First distrustfully. As usual, First doesn't look bothered at all. "After you've finished with work, would you like to come visit me? There's..." Third pauses, and he seems... unsure? He laces his fingers tightly together, resting them on the table before meeting Shinji's gaze. "I... was looking forward to playing with you today," he finishes quietly.

Shinji is the first to look away. "My... my cello. I really only know how to play the cello. Playing the piano as I am...?" He shakes his head, clenched hands bunching up the fabric of his skirt.

"I can teach you," says Third. "If you'll let me."

The silence stretches between them. Even Kaworu feels affected by the awkward atmosphere, taking small, nervous bites from his (third) sorbet, watching them watch each other. He doesn't quite understand how First can just sit there like a particularly pleased statue.

"Alright," Shinji _finally_ says. "I'll come."

"Wonderful!" First interjects suddenly, startling Shinji and Third enough to remind them of the existence of other people. Which should be classified as a miracle, Kaworu thinks sarcastically. Third coughs into his hand to cover his chagrin. "We'll be going now, Shin-chan," First continues.

"Actually, I want to stay a while longer," says Kaworu. He slumps onto the table, resting his head on his arms. "It's not as if a beginner like me will be much help tuning that piano, after all. I'll walk back with Shinji—ah, Shin-chan. Is that okay?"

Third _isn't_ okay with it, but First drags him off anyway and Shinji goes back to work a little happier than before. Kaworu spends another hour sampling the menu, as well as people-but-mostly-Shinji watching, before he gets a chance to talk with the mysterious person-like-him.

  


14.

"I am called Rei-chan here, master," she says flatly, setting an iced tea in front of him. "Also, you are being followed."

"That's just Third's, uh, senpai? He's here for the UN, don't worry about him." Kaworu takes a sip of the drink and watches Shinji clean a recently emptied table. A bead of sweat rolls down Shinji's neck. Shinji stops to carefully dab it away with a handkerchief. "I'm Nagisa Kaworu, by the way."

Ayanami Rei, she thinks as she sits down beside him. It's the first time Kaworu hears her thoughts and the difference from his brothers' ( _the others of myself_ ) is startling. Similar, but not quite. As if their minds are threefold sunlight, Ayanami is bright moonlight, and the Lilim are faint, untouchable starlight.

You are a product of Dr. Ikari's research, aren't you? he thinks in reply. He tilts his head thoughtfully. We really are the same.

No, we are not, she thinks back. She laces her fingers and stares at him. Dr. and Dr. Ikari were only tangentially involved in Project Tabris. Project Lilith was conceived by Ikari Gendo after Ikari Yui's disappearance, co-led with Fuyutsuki Kozo.

And Ikari Gendo's experiments with the Yggdrasil led to his own disappearance, Kaworu thinks grimly. He can sense First's interest in the conversation and their shared annoyance with Third, who can't help listening in as well.

"Your brother has been kind to me," she states after a moment. Ayanami sits stiffly and looks straight ahead, moving nothing but her mouth. Kaworu sprawls in his chair and imagines what his life would have been like without his brothers. Short, he decides, and First and Third immediately begin fussing over that thought. "Kindness, sympathy... they are nice to receive from others," Ayanami says.

"Yes," Kaworu agrees and smiles at Ayanami, at his brothers. Ayanami stares at him for a long time. While First attempts fussing over the piano instead, Third hovers worriedly at the edge of his mind. Kaworu himself is content waiting for Ayanami to speak.

"Shin-chan was the first person to show me genuine kindness," Ayanami says suddenly. She bows in her seat. "Please take care of him."

"Uh," Kaworu replies, blinking. "I haven't taken care of anyone before..." Ayanami's stare intensifies.

"If you and your brothers deal or allow harm to Shin-chan," she says slowly, clearly, every word deliberate, "the consequences will not be pleasant."

"Um," he responds smoothly.

  


15.

Kaworu and Ayanami spend a long time talking, speaking more of their observations of Lilim nature, good food that their bodies can digest, and Third's experiments with how far he could travel before mental communication was impossible (they had found no limit for themselves yet, but with Ayanami, it turned out to be 50 metres). Somewhere between comparing their rescues from their respective labs and swapping fashion advice, Kaworu swipes Ayanami's phone to enter his e-mail address and Ayanami returns the favour.

However, Ayanami is still too busy with work to spend all her valuable time on him. It's disappointing, but Kaworu refuses to dwell on it.

After all, it's also interesting to observe the Lilim in the cafe, on the street. In the back of his mind, Kaworu's brothers talk to each other, to someone else, but Kaworu is only barely listening, preferring to watch Shinji bus tables instead.

"Weren't you bored sitting there all afternoon?" Shinji asks, after the cafe is closed and they're walking back to Third's apartment. Kaworu shrugs.

"Not really," Kaworu admits easily. "Ayanami-san was kind enough to talk to me. And I like having this chance to see you."

Shinji needlessly adjusts the straps of his bag. "I-is that so?"

"Yes. It's true we came to Japan to see my brother, but First and I also wanted to meet _you_ ," says Kaworu, kicking a pebble underfoot. "The person who stole Third away and changed him." Shinji's pace slows, stops, and Kaworu gets a good look at his stunned expression.

They're standing at the edge of an empty playground, abandoned by the children here after the sun had set. It takes a minute for Shinji to speak again.

"How could I have stolen him?" he asks, bewildered. "Kaworu-kun is... do you really think he's changed?"

"You may not have _meant_ to steal him, but you did," Kaworu says with conviction. "He used to help me a lot more, started teaching me piano before he came to Japan. Then he went to school and met you. Even now, he's always thinking of you, Shinji-kun."

It explains how Third is able to conceal Ayanami's existence so effectively. While they couldn't exactly _hide_ things from one another, they could certainly redirect their attentions. Third's memories of Shinji are very appealing, a strange allure that was strong enough to pull Kaworu away from First's and Third's memories of university lectures.

That same appeal exists in person as well. Kaworu allows himself to step forward, drawing close enough to Shinji that their bodies almost touch. Shinji starts and looks up at Kaworu, the difference in height between them more apparent now.

"Kaworu-san?" Shinji asks, bewildered, already beginning to step back. He stills when Kaworu grabs his wrists, turns them so his hands face upward. Shivers, when Kaworu traces the lines of his palm.

"I was jealous of you before, for taking up Third's attention," Kaworu murmurs, marvelling at the roughened skin he feels. His own were still smooth from a lifetime of sleep, a life of not living. Shinji's hands are tough and nimble and warm, full of the history of his existence. Kaworu likes them. Kaworu likes Shinji's reaction when he touches them, the almost-twitches and shallow, hitched breaths. "I'm still a little jealous, but I think I understand now." The reasons why Third likes Shinji so much.

"Well, if I had a big brother like Kaworu-kun, I'd be jealous too," Shinji says. Kaworu blinks and glances up, catching the teasing smile growing on Shinji's face. A smile, Kaworu suddenly realizes, he helped put there.

It's such a small thing, insignificant compared to what he's experienced and learned and accomplished in life so far. Even so, the sight of it ensnares something in Kaworu. Something twisty and sticky and stomach-churning, something that wants Kaworu to tug on Shinji's wrists, to tug Shinji closer, so Kaworu could...

Shinji's lips are warm, a little wet, and Kaworu doesn't know what to do except press his mouth hard against Shinji's, but a kiss is a kiss. Kaworu pulls back slowly, flushed and triumphant. Reality quickly settles back in when Shinji greets him with a look of blank shock.

"What."

Embarrassment races through Kaworu in an instant. "You wanted to kiss me this morning, right? Now we both know what it's like," he says with forced casualness. Inwardly, he winces. That is not an excuse. That is not even a good reason. What is coming out of his mouth.

" _What._ " Shinji's monotone is slightly more insistent this time. A clear sign he is emerging from his daze. Ikari Shinji is one of the most accepting people Kaworu has ever met, but even he must have his limits. Kaworu gulps.

"Hey it's getting late let's race back to Third's apartment okay one two three GO!" Kaworu whips around after the rush of words, fleeing down the darkened street.

Facing his brothers is much more preferable than facing Shinji at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man... well, first of all, this is where the CA elements start coming into play (specifically, this is the universe that the antagonistic Gendo comes from). More on that in the next chapter, which won't be coming out any time soon.
> 
> I literally have the entire NGE manga sitting on my bookshelf, but I can't bring myself to read it. Maybe one day, when I'm emotionally steady enough to handle it. So, pretty much all my characterization of Babyworu comes from various analysis posts on Tumblr and, in particular, Laryna6's ridiculously excellent fics. There are so, so many, but the main ones I'm referring to are [Thicker than LCL](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9055022/1/Thicker-than-LCL) and [Scion of the White Tree](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8834411/1/Scion-of-the-White-Tree).
> 
> Babyworu is a frighteningly stunted and neglected Ravenclaw and no one will change my opinion of that.


End file.
